I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
