i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
