just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
