It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
where am i from again
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
