The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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