Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
