I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
