Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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