my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
