grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
