brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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