Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
