forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
