I just cut my nipple shaving
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
