found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have aggressive nipples.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
