yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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