Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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