bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
