I hate your face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
