Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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