Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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