Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
