dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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