I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
