His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
