considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
