Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
