There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
