YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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