What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
