i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
