she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
