Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
