It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
