chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
