I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
