out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
