Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
