Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
