im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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