Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
