as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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