I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
