Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
