He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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