Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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