You really coming over, don't trick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
