R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
