You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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