New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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