don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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