so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize