Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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