At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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