i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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