He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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