Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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