I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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