I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
