either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
