My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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