either way he was missing a nipple.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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