I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
