You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
