christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
