Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
