Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
