I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize