i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
