Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
