I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So many bounce houses so little time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize