i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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