she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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