hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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