her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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