wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
