Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
