Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
