We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
